Aku Jatuh Cinta

CINTA..
Andai saja kau bisa merasa getaran HATIku,
Kau akan tahu betapa aku sangat meRINDUi-Mu..
Andai saja kau bisa menadah AIR MATAku,
Kau akan tahu betapa aku takut keHILANGan-Mu..
Andai saja kau JAUH dari diriku,
Kau akan lihat betapa KOSONGnya hidupku..
Andai saja kau HILANG dariku..
Berjuta nyawa pun tak mampu menghidupkan JIWAku!

Cinta..
Jatuhnya aku pada kekuatan cinta tanpa melihat-Mu..
Butanya aku pada dugaan yang menguji kasihku..
Biar nyawa jadi taruhan asalkan cinta ini dipertahankan..
Biar harta dan jasad terkorban..
Kerana cinta ini yang ku damba!

Cinta..
Menyebut nama-Mu takkan pernah jemu..
Mengingatimu takkan pernah lupa..
Memujimu takkan pernah rapuh..
Janji-Mu sentiasa teguh..

Cinta sehidup dan selepas mati..
Cinta yang sentiasa bahagia walau derita..
Aku menyintai sesuatu kerana cinta itu!
Aku hidup kerana cinta itu!
AKu mati kerana cinta itu!

Cukup bagiku cinta-Mu..
Itulah pelindung yang memeliharaku..
Itulah ketenangan yang mententeramkan aku..
Itulah kebahagiaan yang menyinariku..
Engkau yang selalu ada..
Engkau yang sentiasa bersama..
Saat suka dan duka..

Aku cinta pada-Mu..
Aku cinta pada takdir-Mu..
Aku cinta pada jalan-Mu..

Atas nama cinta..
"Aku naik saksi tiada Tuhan selain Allah, dan Nabi Muhammad itu pesuruh Allah.."
Atas nafas cinta...
Subhanallah..
Alhamdulillah..
Allahu Akhbar..

Jihad cinta buat-Mu ya Rabb...
Pelihara nadiku untuk sentiasa mengingati-Mu..
Pelihara hatiku untuk sentiasa beriman pada-Mu..

Ramadhan Al-Mubarak

All that I need to survive by Charice

I look out my window
And wonder where you are (where you are)
And if you are safe out there
Somewhere in the dark (in the dark)
Time has no meaning
To this broken heart that's mine

I see your face
Where ever I go
I hear your voice
I want you to know

Refrain:
I feel your arms when I'm lonely
I make believe that you are still here with me
It's all I need
I feel your heart as if it was beating with mine
When you're in my world, I am alive
You're all that I need to survive

I've got this friend who says, it's time I let you go (let you go)
The way that you loved me, no one else could ever know
You were the best that ever happened to my heart and to my soul (to my soul)

I see your face
where ever I go
I hear your voice
I want you to know

Refrain:
I feel your arms when I'm lonely
I make believe that you are still here with me
It's all I need
I feel your heart as if it was beating with mine

Bridge:
And if, I mean when
When I see you again
It will be just the same as it was
And if, I mean when
We're together again
Our souls reunited as one

Refrain:
I feel your arms when I'm lonely
I make believe that you are still here with me
It's all I need
I feel your heart as if it was beating with mine(I feel your arms when I'm lonely, lonely, lonely)
You're in my world
I am alive
You're all that I need to survive
You're all that I need to survive
You're all that I need to survive

Aku cuma An-Nisa

Ya Allah..
Jadikan aku tabah seperti Ummu Khadijah
Sehingga dirinya digelar afifah solehah
Dialah wanita pertama
Tiada ragu mengucap syahadah
Pengorbanan bersama Rasulullah
Susah senang bersama
Walau hilang harta kerana berdakwah
Walau dipulau 3 tahun 3 bulan
Imannya sedikit pun tak berubah
Mampukah aku setabah dirinya?
Andai diuji sedikit sudah rebah..
Baru dihina sudah mengalah
Ya Allah..tabahkan aku sepertinya..

Ya Allah..
Jadikan aku semulia Fatimah Az-Zahrah
Betapa tinggi kasihnya pada ayahandanya
Tidak pernah putus asa pada perjuangan dakwah baginda
Anak yang semulia peribadi baginda
Tangannya lah yang membersihkan luka
Tangannya jua yang membersihkan cela
Pada jasad Rasulullah tercinta
Gagahnya dirinya pada dugaan
Mampukah aku sekuat Fatimah?
Saat diri terluka dendam pula menyapa
Saat disakiti maki pula mengganti
Ya Rabbi..teguhkan hatiku sepertinya..

Ya Allah..
Jadikan aku sehebat Masyitah dan Sumaiyah
Tukang sisir yang beriman
dan Keluarga Yasir yang bertakwa
Sungguh kesabaran mereka menggoncang dunia
Iman tetap terpelihara walau nyawa jadi taruhan
Mampukah sabarku seperti mereka?
Tatkala digoda nafsu dunia..
Entah mana hilangnya Iman di dada

Ya Rahman..
Kuatkan Imanku seperti Masyitah
Terjun penuh yakin  bersama bayi ke kuali mendidih
Kerana yakin Allah pasti disisi
Sabarkan aku seperti sumaiyah
Biar tombak menusuk jasad..
Iman sedikit pun takkan rapuh.

Ya Allah..
Jadikan aku semulia Ummu Sulaim
Perkahwinannya dengan Abu Talhah atas mahar Iman
Islamlah Abu Talhah sehingga menjadi sahabat Rasulullah
Betapa hebatnya tarbiyyah isteri pada suami
Hinggakan segala panahan ke Rasulullah pada hari uhud
Disambut dengan belakang jasad Abu Talhah

Ya Allah..
Tarbiyyahkan aku pada cinta sepertinya
Tingginya nilai cinta pada harga Iman
Mampukah aku menatap cinta itu?
Sedangkan rupa yang menjadi pilihan
Ketulusan Iman diketepikan
Ya Allah..
Ilhamkan aku pada cinta sepertinya..

Ya Allah...
Jadikan aku sehebat Aisya Humaira
Isteri termuda Rasulullah
Biar dilempar fitnah
Dia tetap teguh pada ketetapanNya
Isteri sejati yang memangku Nabi
Pada saat terakhir baginda
Hadis dan Sunnah Rasulullah dipertahankan
Betapa hatimu seorang mujahidah
Ya Allah..
Mampukah aku contohi dirinya?
Pada fitnah yang melanda
Diri mula goyah dan putus asa
Teguhkan Imanku sepertinya..Ya Rahim..

Ya Allah..
Teringat diri pada Khansa
Empat orang anaknya mati di Jalan ALLAH
Dia meratap tangis..
Anak sulungnya syahid
Anak keduanya turut syahid
Anak ketiganya dan keempat jua mati syahid
Namun tangisan itu bukan kerana pemergian anak tercinta
Jawabnya kerana tiada lagi anak yang dihantar untuk berjihad
Ya Allah..
Mampukah aku menjadi ibu yang berjihad?
Sedang anak tak tutup aurat pun masih tak terjawab
Sedang anak tinggal solat pun buat tak kisah
Berikan aku kekuatan sepertinya..
Agar bersedia pada akhirat.

Wahai kaum Adam yang bergelar khalifah..
Diriku bukan setabah Ummu Khadijah
Bukan jua semulia Fatimah Az-Zahrah
Apa lagi sesabar Masyitah dan Sumaiyah
Mahupun sehebat Ummu Sulaim
Dan tidak seteguh Aisya Humaira
Kerana diri cuma An-Nisaa akhir zaman
Dimana Aurat semakin dibuka terdedah
Dimana syahadah hanya pada nama
Dimana Dunia yang terus dipuja
Dimana nafsu fana menjadi santapan utama
Dimana batas sentiasa dileraikan
Dimana ukhwah sentiasa dipinggirkan

Wahai Kaum Hawa
Kita cuma An-Nisaa
Para pendosa yang terbanyak di neraka
Lantas walau tak setabah para Mujahidah
Namun Tabahlah pada ketetapan Allah
Kerana padanya ada Syurga!
Walau tak semulia para wanita sirah
Tapi muliakan diri dengan agama yang memelihara
kerana padanya ada Pahala!
Walau tak sesabar para wanita solehah
Namun sabarkan jiwa pada nafsu dunia yang menyeksa
Kerana padanya ada bahagia!

Sesungguhnya Hawa tercipta dari Tulang rusuk kaum Adam
Bukan untuk ditindas kerana lemah
Tapi untuk dilindungi kerana Indah
dan Indah apabila tertutup terpelihara
Kerana disitulah terjaganya Syahadah
Bak mekarnya wanita dalam sirah
Tuntunlah kami ke arah syurga..
Bicara dari An-Nisaa yang hina..
Makbulkan doaku..
Aamiin..

Life as an Educator...

Everyday we need to think of new ways of teaching.

Sometimes we just want to give up.

But seeing the kids looking at you...

With hopeful look...

Gives you a sudden drive to move on.

Educators do not only teach.

They are also a guide.

Not only to the subjects they taught.

But includes lessons in life...

Educators are like celebrities.

That are popular only among students.

What they did will be observed by the kids.

The way they talk, behave, wear and even eat a hamburger!



Gosh, now I realize

Being an Educator AWESOME!!!

Sedetik Lebih - Anuar Zain

*I'm soooo into this song!! Call me emo, over-sentimental or whatever but I still love this song!!!*

Setiap nafas yang dihembus
Setiap degupan jantung
Aku selalu memikirkanmu

Dalam sedar dibuai angan
Dalam tidur dan khayalan
Aku selalu memikirkanmu

Ternyata ku perlukan cinta dari dirimu sayang
Barulah terasa ku bernyawa

Kasihku…ku amat mencintai kamu
Kerana kau beri erti hidup
Ku kan terus mencinta sedetik lebih selepas selamanya

Di kala penuh ketakutan dengan badai kehidupan
Ku bersyukur adanya kamu

Biarlah kehilangan semua yang dimiliki di dunia
Asal masih adanya kamu...

EDRY ABDUL HALIM
KRU Publishing Sdn Bhd

First day is always a first day...

Finally my rezeki has came after almost 4 months of unemployment. I've been bombarded with questions when I will get a job, why I didn't find a job, why I quit my previous job from my parents...believe me, hearing all those make me wanna shout all my heart out! I believe that when the time has came, it WILL come. No matter under what circumstances. But those things will NOT come unless we DO something for it!

So now here I am sitting on my own desk as an Education Officer at one of the government school. Thank goodness it's not that far from my place (approx. 15-20 mins of driving). First day at school, I expect to jump into a class and teach Geo but it turned out to be that I did absolutely NOTHING! Well, only a few ice breaking session among the educators and meeting some students. The rest of the working hours was spent at organising and looking through the previous lesson.

Everything above has started with a call from JSS the day before I came to school. The officer told me that I'll be replacing a teacher that is currently having her maternity leave until July. She also told me to report to the school the next day. After school hours, I went to JSS to pick up my letter of placement. And guess what? There was a misunderstanding between them! The other officer thought that there is ENOUGH teacher to replace the absent one in that school so they want to place me to somewhere else. But the one who called me thought the other way. They've come to an agreement (that is I will be placed to other school) but FORGOT to call me back. But that afternoon, they asked the school whether they actually need me to be there and turned out to be they do. Thank God!!! If not, it will be a huge embarassment to me if I was not going to be teaching there! I did my ice breaking, hang out with the teachers there etc but I didn't teach there?!! Well, lets just get over it. The conclusion has already been made, that is, I'm going to stay there and will pick up my letter of placement on Saturday. The whole point of this is, BETTER MAKE SURE THAT YOU ARE GOING TO SEND SOMEONE FOR PLACEMENT TO ANY SCHOOL. OTHERWISE, IT WILL DOWNGRADE HIS/HER REPUTATION AND AFFECT THE DIGNITY.

Me as a toddler

Wow!! I never thought that I could be sooooooo cute and adorable!!!!

Art piece or should I say photoart?

All these pictures were taken by an Italian photographer, Federico Erra. I know! Erra! Same as my nickname! Haha! Well, there is something about his masterpiece that attracts me so much that I even blog about it. It's not because of his family name (tho' part of me say yes) but his pictures, the models, the scenes, backgrounds etc. They are all look so mysterious in their own way. Sometimes sad. Or when I look at it as if the person in that photo said 'I wanna kill someone right now' or 'Help me, please!' or 'You think I'm good, I'll show you how bad I am!'.

ACTIVATE!

You never believe what I've became these days. You know it's been 3 years that I've been 'dormant' in any community service etc. And last January, the highest committee decided to elect me as the Vice-President of the organisation! What???? No,I actually mean - Whatta Hell??!! Wanna know their reason? They said I've been in one of the high position before! I was like thinking so hard on when did I ever! The only position that I've been was Head of Youth (girls) which is way BELOW the high positions available! Pandai mengacang durang ane eh! I was totally disagree with what they did to me. They appointed me without even asking me!! The minute I heard the news, I got frantic with jaws opening and the feel to kill someone! But then I thought about it. Instead of asking them a big WHY, I said to myself, WHY NOT? Since I've been doing almost nothing since I quit my job, so why don't I give it a try. Why don't I become active again. I know deep down in me, I miss being energetic, running all over the place just to make sure the activities perfectly going well. A few days of thinking the pros and cons, I decided to make myself ACTIVATE. So now, here I am, the Vice President of PERLU session 2011-2013. I promise myself to make the 3 years to become more happening with lots of activities for the people!

Our first activity was Program Belia Cinta Tanahair (PBCTA) in conjunction with the 27th National Day of Brunei. The event went successful as we attracted around 40+ youths to join the march! Compare to last year where only around 15 youths joint in. Then our second activity which was held last 27th Feb, Senamrobik & Walkathon. And suprisingly we attracted around 200+ people to participate! That's a good start for our more upcoming activities. We all showed great team work and enthusiasm. Plus there were youths all over the nation (Belait, Temburong, Tutong & Brunei-Muara)that joint the Walkathon which made it very lively!

Now, my next plan will be conducting the Amazing Race Lumapas and a Share the Love with kids from Pusat Ehsan. Hopefully, things will turn out perfect for all of us!

Lembing Tujuh Bersaudara??

After grandpa's death, the family began to reveal more histories of our ancestors. One particular thing that I'm interested in is the story of Lembing Tujuh Bersaudara. Di katakan semasa hayat Pengiran Bendahara yg berkahwin dgn Raja Dungu, sebatang lembing telah diserahkan dan dijadikan sebagai barang keturunan. I don't know apa tujuan lembing nie dipatah2kan hingga menjadi 7 dan dibagikan kepada setiap keturunannya. Sampailah jua salah satu pecahan lembing ani ada di tangan Allahyarham yang kini masih dalam simpanan. Dikatakan jua, kalau ketujuh-tujuh pecahan ane betamu, maka lembing ane akan terapung-apung. Something about this lembing really fascinates me. Why is it so important? Kenapa dipatahkan menjadi 7? Kenapa tidak 3 atau 10? Adakah kerana pada ketika itu anak2 Pengiran ada 7 kesemuanya? Dan benarkah bila disatukan, ia akan terapung? Seperti mempunyai satu kuasa? I wanted to find out more about this tapi source nada. Kalau aku mencari susur galur keturunan kami, I'm afraid there'll be too many consequences. We know that Allahyarham Datuk sanggup menghilangkan gelaran 'Pengiran Anak' kerana inda mau disama-samakan dengan anak gundik yang tinggal berhampiran. Kalau diketahui ke pihak 'Atasan', what could have happened to us?? But, seriously I wanna know about this spear. And making family trees might be my new set of goals. Who knows, whether it's true we are the descends from Pengiran Bendahara Muhammad or might be someone else. Gosh, this family histories make me so addictive! The desire to know more and more and finding out the truth. It's really haunting me as to know WHO I am really? Who we are? From which family? IS it really royals? But why we're not like them? Seriously, a blue blood? What if we came from a so-called famous sea pirate? Or the evil Nenek Kebayan?? What is it happened in the past that separate us, the descendants, from the current ones? Was there a fight? or a war? The spear...why is become so important that it must be broken into 7? What if we tried to put them all together? But then what? After I found my real ancestors, what will I feel? How will I react if I know something about the past? For now the question is, where to start?

Now, who's willing to help me?

Cute~~~

Lady Gaga taught me its ok to be different.

Kesha taught me to live life to the fullest while I have the time.

Pink taught me to be myself and not care what other people think.

Taylor Swift taught me not every guy is going to treat me right.

Emimem taught me that life is hard, but you make it through.

Bruno Mars taught me to do everything for that one person I love.

Michael Jackson taught me to love the people around me.

Music taught me how to live <3

GUGURNYA SEORANG PENGKISAH

Ketika kau disembahyangkan
Setiap ruang dipenuhi ramai
Hingga ada yang terpaksa menunggu di luar

Ketika kau dikuburkan
Begitu ramai yang datang menemankan
Sambil mendoakan untuk sejahteramu di alam sana

Ketika yassin berkumandang
Dinyanyikan oleh anak, cucu dan orang berziarah
Sedekah tidak putus-putus
Hingga seisi keluarga merasa terharu

Pergimu ditangisi ramai
Pergimu menghimpunkan semua bangsa
Orang jauh datang bertandang
Orang sibuk meninggalkan kerja
Orang bukit turun padang
Semua menghulurkan simpati untuk keluargamu

Tiadamu sangat dirasai
Hingga masih terdengar bunyi seolah-olah batuk dan bersinmu
Bau tubuhmu masih tercium di kamar
Sedangkan lebih sehari kau tiada

Pemergianmu sangat dirindui
Tiadalah tempat utk mengadu
Tiadalah tempat utk rujukan
Tiadalah tempat utk bantuan
Segala amalan yang kau turunkan
Segala kisah tarsilah asal usul keturunanmu
Akan sentiasa mekar dalam ingatan

Semoga Allah merahmati pemergianmu nendaku...

Hasil nukilan
Erra

17th January: Saddest day ever!

I never thought that 17th January 2011 is the day when my grandpa passed away. The news are so sudden and we are not prepared for this to happen. At 5.57am,i was told by Ayah that grandpa is very sick. At first we planned to take airplane so i checked RBA & AirAsia. Unfortunately there is no flight for today. Without any other idea,we just travelled by car,that is, me as a driver! We did panick! Nini yg sedang nazak and tunggu masa saja lagi. Rasa kan nangis sepanjang perjalanan tadi but both me & mama tahan. I know perjalanan memakan masa 5-6 jam but i drove as fast as i could hoping to see him for one last time. Dengan condition rav4 yg nda berapa steringnya lagi,but whatta heck,asal sampai.dgn selamat. Believe it or not, kami sampai papar dlm 4.5 jam saja! Tapi terkilan brabis ku sal aku nda sampat liat nini. Kami tarus ke kubur and disana masih byk urg. So apalagi, airmata yg kami cuba tahan tadi atu meluah ahernya. I know i shouldn't cry tapi mengenangkan betapa terkilannya aku nda sampat salam n minta ampun arah nini setelah berjuang menentang masa,makin mencurah2 airmataku. Pemergian arwah memang sgt2 ku rasai. Selalunya bila arwah ada, ia ceta sal kisah sejarah keluarga dulu2. Then ia ceta sal politik malaysia. Ia pernah membuang angin dari badanku kai paku. Arwah sememangnya sgt digalati. Mempunyai ilmu batin yg tinggi tapi nda pernah bercerita mahupun bangga diri. Arwah hanya akan mengubati bila ada yg berhajat. Cerita sejarah pebret ku is about salasilah keturunan keluarga kami yg berkaitan dgn sultan Brunei. Pernah satu hari wakil pihak sultan dtg bejumpa arwah & betanya pasal sejarah kesultanan Brunei. I will get that book when i'm back. Kata nini, ada mukanya disana. Pebaik dijual,mau ja ku membali.

Masa tahlil tadi atu pun nini bini lamah2 sudah. Katanya pikirannya nda tantu masane. Pemergian arwah memang nda dijangka. Semalam sampat lagi beibun apa. Tau2 pagi tadi...Allah maha mengetahui akan ajal setiap hambanya. Kun fayakun. Maka jadi, jadilah. Sepanjang ari memang berlinangan saja airmata kami semua. Baik laki2 mahupun bini2. Semua menangis.

Paling menyayat ati bila drg uncle ceta yg masa nini nazak atu,ia mcm beceta sama 'urg' and angguk2. Seolah-olah ia tau yg masanya sudah tiba.

Semoga roh nini ditempatkan bersama org2 yg beriman dan bertaqwa. Amin...

Al-fatihah buat allahyarham Muhijin bin Hj Metussin...

2 days 1 night at Qlah's cribs!

Last Wednesday night, me, Qlah, Yumi and Nana planned a 2d1n sleepover at Qlah's cribs! It was just simply a hangout sort-of event but it turned out to be a one hell of adventure! Ahaha...since all of us never experience going to the city market by boat, so we took it. And after buying all the ingredients and fruits for the dinner, we took the chance to pay a boatman (who happens to be a relative of mine...sampat wa jejak kasih sekajap di bot atu!) $10 to take us around the water village, visiting the famous legend natural artifacts of Jong Batu and Lumut Lunting.

Jong Batu was adapted from a story of a son who denied his poor mother after he became a rich man. This story is the same as Si Tanggang (Malaysian version) and Malin Kundang (Indonesian version). Guess this legend is kind of a real story. Lumut Lunting took its famous story of a beloved roster owned by Awg Semaun (brother of Sultan Muhammad) who always was defeted in the roster fight and flee to this one area because of bitter shame and became a stone of what known as Lumut Lunting. Oh, well...histories are so damn great!

Ok, back to the present. After a beautiful tour, we went straight home and prepares all the food for making Ambuyat! At 7pm, dinner is served, baby! Yummy~~ That night, there was nothing much we could do except twittering, watching 2d1n, and just we were about to sleep, we cracked out jokes and laughing hardcore! It was super fun! Like tears were falling while laughing. Gosh, i don't remember when was my last hardcore laughing.

Next, our 2 days 1 night adventure will be at Yumi's cribs in Lumut. So, this time round, me and Qlah will drive our ass there and have another super fun! Yeayyyy!

p/s = This is what jobless people do. Lol!

HAPPY NEW YEAR 2011!!

Okayyy...I'm 7 days late to greet you but still we're in the new year mood. Anyhoos, I celebrated this new year with the girlfriends at Qlap Plaza Hotel. It was super fun!! We played some games, made a surprise birthday shout out to Nana and even screamed saying Happy New Year to everyone on the street! Gosh, if my boyfriend knew about this, he wouldn't believe a single thing I did. :-p My new resolution? Well, I believe everyday is a new resolution to me so I don't make a new one for this year. I just make new hopes. Hope that I will get my permanent job fast, hope that I will be able to make the next step in my relationship, hope that I will at least travel outside Brunei. Hopes...and a dream for all of them to become true